Kick-Ass Crafting

To my 33 loyal fans - YOU cannot crochet and be a tough girl at the same time. Apparently. Saith random stranger Peg Aloi on the Huffington Post.

"Maybe "having it all" was a silly fantasy that ultimately made women feel exhausted and inferior. Maybe we just wanted to sit on our asses and knit and eat cupcakes in our Hello Kitty jammies.

And now that so many women have seemingly retreated from our reign of awesomeness to immerse themselves in the feminine past-times of yesteryear, it does indeed appear that we've lost sight of what it means to be a badass, strong, tough woman...

...This weird retro world of cooking, heirloom tomatoes and Jane Austen is starting to feel a bit smug and smothering. Where's the fun?"

Peg goes on to extol the virtues of such shining examples of feminist bad-assery as Courtney Love,  a drug addict who lost custody of her daughter because she couldn't grow up and take responsibility, and Buffy The Vampire Slayer, a non-existent television hero who battles imaginary creatures. Dude, seriously?

"There are tough times ahead, and we need to be tough bitches to face them. Growing vegetables is useful; but so is learning how to shoot a gun, hot-wire a car, and manipulate our way into a bomb shelter."

(rolling my eyes at you. this is a kindness)

So, ladies, behold your "girly" and "complacent" inability to be "tough," "intelligent," and "no-nonsense."

Hmm. Creative and creepy, but since it involves sewing, it's domestic and therefore girly. Keep trying.

Physics cupcakes from quaint_idea. VERY intelligent, but Peg specifically said, "Women are girly. Again. Don't believe me? The proof is in the blogosphere: Women who blog about cupcakes." You made cupcakes and then posted them on the internet. You can't possibly rock.

Pattern and kit from Subversive Cross Stitch. Incidentally, Peg mentions Xena: Warrior Princess, and in "The Black Wolf" episode, it comes out that Xena does embroidery.

Diomedes: You embroider.

Xena: I have many skills.

Never mind that 2 days after this tutorial and recipe were posted, the INVENTOR of the Rubik's Cube emailed her about how he liked the cake. It's a CAKE, honey. Made in a KITCHEN. Possibly while BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT.

 A collection of knitting patterns from a Roller Derby team? What the hell???

Artist Shauna Richardson crocheted this mofo. CROCHETED. What a waste of skill and "tough gal" spirit.

Dude, you can't put "Sew" and "Subversive" in the same book title unless that title is "How Sewing Automatically Excludes You From Being Subversive."

Don't even get me started on GARDENING. How can a woman who runs her own farm and magazine and food business and delights in sewing APRONS be badass?

"She's an organic farmer who grew up canning garden-fresh food and wearing hand-sewn clothes. After stints as a single mother, carpenter, and wilderness ranger, MaryJane purchased a five-acre homestead in Idaho, sight unseen. Since then, she's been farming this land — and then 100 more adjacent acres, after she married a neighbor farmer — in high style." (source link)

Harumph. That's not so tough. Anyone can run a farm. Your overweight mom can run a farm. It doesn't take a genius to cut wood and build things with it. Aprons are are wimps. Wimps who COOK. In that previously mentioned KITCHEN.

It's a knitting tattoo. A KNITTING TATTOO. Only girly girls get tattoos, especially big ones in a prominent place.

This badass quilt is brought to you by the wimpy craft of quilting.

You can't actually CALL your cupcake business Kickass Cupcakes, Sara Ross! That's CHEATING!

Not only did artist Therea Honeywell knit over a perfectly serviceable and badass motorcycle, she knit it PINK. Only a woman made to feel "exhausted and inferior" would stoop to such levels.

Oh, for crying out loud! Is that a knitting cake??? Edible dessert that looks eerily like a real basket full of yarn?? The women at The Artisan Bake Shop are wasting their feminist heritage!! You can't just up and own your own business by utilizing your talents to BAKE!

Mmmmm ... sexy werewolf cross stitch ... I mean (ahem) GIRLY cross stitch. As in, many of the girls I know would appreciate this cross stitch chart.

As you can see, the world of crafting and baking is flooded with women who would rather sit on their couches playing with yarn than become an alcoholic or ignorant Huffington Post freelance writer. "Feminine pastimes" are mere distractions from wearing leather and committing grand theft auto.

"“Dear Peg Aloi,

I was an officer in the Army Reserves for 11 years and an ROTC cadet in a male dominated organizati­on for 4 years before that. I have two college degrees plus a 3rd degree black belt in karate and a 2nd degree black belt in kobudo. I'm a podcaster, artist and writer and happily self-emplo­yed. I also sew, knit, bake, craft, and let my girls wear pink whenever it suits them.

The last I checked, being feminist meant making I made my own decisions and did what I wanted to do without having to live up to other people's bull-crap artificial standards.

So bite me, fan girl. I am a feminist.”" - (commenter on Peg Aloi's article)